Thoughts

“So, I fully decided to step into the unknown, away from the comfortable and into the uncomfortable.”

As I look back on a couple of my previous posts, I realize I’ve been talking an awful lot about the unknown, and fear. Maybe it’s because with these past two years, theres been a lot of fear of the unknown going on. But maybe it’s because of me losing a contract last minute that I came here to Boston for to work.

Two months ago, I came to Boston for a contract through my company that I was going to be working for, for three months. Turns out, the place pulls my contract last minute. I was taken aback. I was tied into a 3 month housing contract in Boston, just lost a job and I had no idea what I was going to do at that moment. I ended up using that weekend as a pity party for myself because I truly had no idea where I was going next.

After leaving my job at Rochester, I had already knew that the job I was doing, I didn’t really want to do anymore. I no longer resonated with what that job did or stood for. But the money was really good and I was now having the opportunity to travel, so I decided why not do this for a couple of years and figure out along the way what I really desire to do in my life. But as it turns out, the universe had other plans. When I was completing all of the paperwork and all of the tests I had to do for the job, I really felt a lot of resistance this time, and I felt I really did not want to do this job.

I spent a good chunk of time completing all of the paperwork and tests for this job. If the contract wasn’t pulled, I would’ve worked hard, because that is who I am. And I also had a lot of experience on an instrument that they were planning on getting, and I planned on staying there longer than three months to help them out, and because I was living in Boston, I wanted to explore the city, and because I wanted to stay in this area to be close to New York for my brothers wedding… haha I really thought I had it all planned out, until the universe came in to shake things up.

Now, during that weekend I made the decision to stay in Boston for three months, because I was already paying for a place to live in and I mean I was in Boston, close to family, close to the ocean, and honestly , why not. Although at the moment I didn’t have a job, but my recruiter had faith that I could get another one close in the area. She put me into jobs around the area (even in Cape Cod, and in Southern New Hampshire) and I waited around for a week for something to come up. I also applied to places like Whole Foods (turned me down), Wegmans (turned me down) and a few others who turned me down as well. Until eventually I was like, well I could do DoorDash, cause why not, no one else seems to want to hire someone for a temporary position. So I started to do DoorDash, and I was so very scared for my first delivery, until I realized how incredibly easy this job was. I didn’t have to talk to anyone, I could make my own hours, I could blast my music while driving around, and I could explore the area more and see what’s around where I lived. One of my family members put my resume in to a couple of places, which one did reach back out to me for a Phlebotomy position, but I hated phlebotomy and stabbing people with needles. I would only be making 24$ an hour, where as I was making that doing DoorDash here. So I turned that job down because I knew I would hate it. All of the jobs my recruiter put me into turned me down as well. Clearly the universe was trying to tell me something here.

Now by this point after about of month of being here with no new job of the career I was in, I was starting to realize that I am much happier doing DoorDash than I ever was doing a 9-5, working weekends and holidays job. So much happier doing a job that I wasn’t making much money for (Although this isn’t the job I desire to do the rest of my life). My recruiter stopped getting notifications of new jobs hiring for travelers in the area, and I was starting to realize that really I didn’t want to do this job anymore. But I was scared. Because once I say good-bye to this comfortable paying job (even though I was extremely overworked and under paid at my first job for the last two years I was working there) I knew there was no looking back. But I also realized that this job can also be pulled right from under me, and that having one source of income that can be taken away at any moment is not something I want anything to do with. I also felt in my soul that this path isn’t for me anymore, this job isn’t for me.

So I took the leap, and threw out my work clothes. It took me a little bit to muster up the courage but I did it. And as soon as I did, the first travel assignment that I did, reached out and asked if I would be willing to do another travel assignment, and boy was this an even harder task to do. To write an email to let them know that I was no longer a Med Tech, and that once I say no, I am walking away from a good paying, ‘comfortable’ job. And that scared me. But you know what scared me even more? Being stuck in the same place I am, a year from now. Working at a job that I no longer resonate with, that I am miserable at, and that I see no future for myself. Now that I’ve spent the last six years of my life doing a job that I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life, only to find out I was miserable and I no longer wanted any part of it.

So I fully decided to step into the unknown, away from the comfortable and into the uncomfortable (even though I am scared). Was it easy to turn that job down and throw out my clothes? Absolutely not. A job that I spent a good portion of my life in, a job that I was grateful to have, a job that I used as an identity; it was not easy to make this decision to change my life’s path. As I stood here looking at the Boston Skyline and out into the ocean, I realized that change is always occurring, things never stay the same. I realized I would not be the person I am today without any of my experiences in my life. Just like you would not be the person you are today without any of your experiences in your life. Things are always changing around us. Maybe my hope for you reading this, is that you may have similar experiences and can give some advice. Or maybe my hope is that it inspires you to go out and do something in your life that scares you. Or maybe it’s both?

What I do know is that change is on the horizon. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am more confident in myself than I ever have been before. Here’s to the next chapter in my life, the scariest yet exciting chapter yet.

Much Love,
CLD

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