“Enigma is a a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.”
The first thing that came to mind when I came across Enigma, is an episode from How I Met Your Mother. Marshall Eriksen is reading from the book Enigmas of the Mystical. (I tagged a clip from that episode to watch) where he reads stories that could be an enigma or a hoax and tries to get Lily to believe in them. I can hear him saying “Eniiiiggggmaaaa” to Lily. (haha.) For those of you that don’t me, How I Met Your Mother is one of my all time favorite shows that I can watch over and over again. And this episode, I believe, is when Marshall and Lily were living out on Long Island before their first child is born. I definitely laughed out loud when I thought of this scene.
For those who do not know this word an enigma is, it’s a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand. I came across this word when I was reading the book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert (The author who wrote Eat, Pray, Love). I’ve only read about 100 pages of this book, but boy does it make you think a lot about fear in your own life as she explains navigating fear herself. She mentions that “The unknown is an enigma.” This was so powerful for me to read and I fully believe that the unknown is an enigma, it’s mysterious, something that I can’t quite wrap my head around because I can’t explain it.
I get so puzzled by the unknown because the universe is always throwing things at us, putting us on paths that we never thought we would be on, and shows us things that we might not expect. The unknown for most can be scary and can carry a lot of fear. Because honestly, who thought the last 2 years would’ve happened? I know I didn’t think that was where our world was headed. (Although I’m sure there were a select few, like the Simpsons, that knew something was brewing). I think what makes the unknown an enigma, is the power that it has over us. The power of completely changing your life at any moment and not knowing whats in store.
Even though I lead this positive, grateful, joyous lifestyle, (Although most days I am pretty positive) I have days where it’s hard for me to see the good in my life, and how fortunate I truly am. Sometimes it is hard for me to accept things that happen in my life. Like I can’t see where my life is headed, or what the universe has in store for me. Because when things go terribly wrong in your life, how can you see that you’re ultimately being pushed into something great? Why is it so hard for us to think of all of the positive outcomes that could happen in our lives? Why is it so easy for us to think (and almost believe) all of the negative outcomes that could happen? For me, I have lived in fear my whole life, fear of fully being myself. That’s not to say that fear shouldn’t exist in your life, because fear can be helpful in very stressful situations. It is healthy to have some fear for certain situations, but not to have fear running your whole life.
Trying to think on the positive side of things may not always be easy, especially when you have people saying how annoying it is, or having people in your life that are constantly negative. But on days where I feel good and know that I am safe, I feel grateful and choose to see the good outcomes that could happen. Because what if things turn out better than you could’ve ever imagined? So why not make the unknown beautiful, because in the unknown is where you will grow and flourish. It’s time to make this enigma beautiful because I believe everything happens for a reason. Everything we’re exposed to, everyone we meet, we are supposed to experience. Believe in the impossible and expect the unexpected. Because this crazy beautiful enigma isn’t going away, so we might as well embrace wherever the world is taking us in our lives.
Just like Fun sings “If you’re lost and alone, or you’re sinking like a stone, Carry On.” Carry on when things take a different turn in your life. Take a breath, relax, let go, surrender and go forth into that unknown, that beautiful enigma. The one question I have for you is; What is an enigma for you?
….the Healing Journey is 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.
Last week I decided to dive into my third Medical Medium’s 369 Cleanse. Here’s a little about the Original 369 Cleanse. 1. It’s a Cleanse that lasts 9 days separated in days of 3. 2. On all days you are consuming 16 ounces of Lemon water wait 30 minutes, followed by 16 ounces of celery juice when waking (Luckily I have been doing this for a year and half, so this was easy), 3. Days 1-3 you can have breakfast of your choice after the lemon water and celery juice, lunch of your choice, and dinner of your choice 4. Every night you incorporate again 16 ounces of lemon water and a night time tea which mine happened to be lemon balm.
Days 1-3, were easy for me, because I have been eating this way every day since I started changing my diet a year and a half ago.
Days-4-6 were a little more of a challenge since you can’t eat cooked food (except for steamed brussels sprouts and steamed asparagus). Here I ate the Liver Rescue Smoothie every day for breakfast after my lemon water and celery juice. I had a snack of an apple in the morning, then for an afternoon snack I ate apples, celery sticks and dates, and for lunch and dinner I made different versions of the liver rescue salad.
Days 7-9 were where all of the magic happens, where a lot of the detoxing happens, to get rid of crap that has been tucked away deep down in your tissues. Day 7 I got to eat steamed potatoes and asparagus for dinner. Day 8 was strictly liver rescue smoothie, spinach soup and steamed asparagus. Day 9 is the juice day.
Now that you’re caught up about this cleanse, here is what I experienced during it. This third cleanse for me was hard. Much harder than the other 2. This time I wasn’t exactly eating and trying the recipes like I was with the other two before I started them. This time I felt had a lot of downs and more set backs.
First off, I felt good during Days 1-3, I usually eat this way most of the time. So I decided on Day 4 to join a family friend in a ‘warm’ yoga class (the room was about 90 degrees). Up to this point I have only been doing 20-30 minutes of yoga, because I know that is what my body can handle. But doing this yoga class (which was an hour), I could tell that I went too hard, and I knew I was going to be sore. (Sometimes my Crossfit mentality comes back, thinking I can do way more than I should, which sometimes is true, but in the case of this yoga class that was constantly flowing and moving, my body wasn’t quite ready to handle it.) The class was at 1pm which messed up my eating schedule a bit, so I just made adjustments where it was necessary. Life happens, you figure out how to make it work for you. So I ate my snacks first and then my lunch salad and steamed asparagus around 4pm. My body went through a lot during this class and didn’t recover like I wanted it too.
Starting on Day 4 my body now had the opportunity to get rid of the junk that still resides in my system, except doing this yoga class set me back. One because of the adrenaline that came with me pushing myself too hard, and two because once my body was starting to get rid of the junk into my blood stream to be expelled from my body (to be filtered by the liver or kidneys) which made some symptoms come back temporary. My body could not detox the old stuff, and deal with the new adrenaline at the same time. With all the junk and adrenaline in my blood stream my liver and kidneys could only do so much, so its first task was to help my body with the recovery from the workout and soreness that came the next day. And I was more sore than I had been in a long time. With that being said, my body was not sore the second day. Usually I would be sore for 3-4 days after something like that. My body only needed a full 24 hours of recovery this time. That tells me my body is already in a better state to heal itself.
Second, I am pretty sure, during my Day 8 Spinach Soup, I ate some spinach that was bad. The next couple of days my body did not feel great. This could either be from the bad spinach, or these could have been a detox symptoms, but I mostly think it was from the spinach. Day 9 I felt really good all morning, after the lemon water, celery juice, 1st cucumber-apple juice, and then I drank orange juice the rest of the day. But later on in the evening I started to not feel so great.
Third, Day 9 it is supposed to be a rest day, meaning rest and don’t do anything too taxing for your body. Be grateful for all that your body is doing for you at this time. I did not rest like I planned to do. I started feeling weak towards the end of the day, which I knew I should’ve taken more time to heal. In the middle of the night after Day 9, I got a terrible stomach ache, like ones that I use to have when I was younger. It brought back so many memories of me just curled in a ball hoping I wasn’t going to puke. I had forgotten what those stomach aches use to feel like, since it’s been so long since I’ve had one. The next day I felt off and not great, going through bouts of stomach aches and nauseousness.
I have learned some lessons for my next adventure into another 369 Cleanse. Overall, I feel better after this one, now that I no longer have the stomach aches and nauseousness (it only took a few days to get rid of). I noticed that my bloating went away during this cleanse (which is the cover picture). I forgot how expensive and time consuming this cleanse can be, but it is 100% worth it. I fully believe that this way of eating has changed my life immensely, more than I even realize. Even though I felt crappy for a few days after, today I feel good, and maybe it’s because I finally got back on the Heavy Metal Detox smoothie or maybe it’s because this cleanse really has helped my health, I think both contributed. I do this cleanse to help up my healing within my body, and whats the harm in eating more raw fruits and vegetables in abundance? These 9 days have flown by, and now I am transitioning out of the cleanse and taking it slow.
Anthony William has said the healing journey is 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. And it’s so true, with anything in life. I’ve noticed huge leaps in healing, but I have also noticed setbacks as well. Just know that whatever journey you are on in your life, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Things are going to happen that you may not have expected, but it’s how you deal with them, how you stay positive and have faith, that everything is working out for you. Because the universe is always working in your favor.
“The things that scare you to do, aren’t those the things worth doing?”
While scrolling through TikTok (again…) I got some inspiration to try something different. A guy asked a series of questions and told you to write down your answers. Then at the end of the video he says to use all of the words and put them together in a poem, short story, song, or whatever creative idea that you want to use. I decided why not give this a try. I am no writer be any means but I decided to do a poem in my own way. I do feel to get the complete impact of my words, I should do a video of me reading it. But for now I will share it with you.
“Today, I feel okay, no real feelings, just okay. I know there are days ahead where I will feel complete joy, on top of the world, and simply amazing. But right now, I only feel just okay. And on the days when I feel just okay, I like to think of the ocean, the waves, and I start to feel like I am there, at Wells Beach. I feel the soft sand and the cool ocean beneath my feet, I hear the waves crashing, I feel the sun warming my skin, I smell the salty sea air and I see the sandpipers running along the edge of the ocean, you know those cute little birds that run along the waters edge. This feeling, the feeling of being on the beach, gives me hope. Hope that better days are ahead. Hope that I can get through whatever I am feeling at this very moment. Hope that this won’t last, because things change. Hope that I am becoming a better me. A hope that I am on the path I am meant to be on. The kindness and compassion that Medical Medium gives out to others to help them heal is what gives me hope, a hope in humanity. A hope that there are kind people in the world. But right now, right in this very moment, I feel just okay. And it is okay to feel just okay because my little glimmer of hope gives me faith that I am going to be okay. “
This right here, is out of my comfort zone. I am not a writer, and trying something that I know I might not be good at and posting it, does give me a bit of fear. Mostly a fear of being judged. But isn’t that where you learn the most about yourself? The things that scare you to do, aren’t those the things worth doing? The fear that I have about being judged shouldn’t keep me from trying new things that are outside my comfort zone (Just like it shouldn’t keep you from trying something new). I am learning every day to try something new and outside my comfort zone, because no one ever learned from staying comfortable in life. You have to take risks in life, to learn, to grow, to really see how amazing you are. Because you won’t know how amazing you are unless you go out there and try.
One of the things that I have tried within the last year that scared me, was singing. I have always sang by myself in the car and in the shower, but never for anyone else to hear. I never thought that my voice was good enough to sing. But I decided to do a TikTok with someone playing a portion of one of my favorite Coldplay songs on the piano. And I posted it. I was scared to post it, but it was a way of letting go of some of my emotions. I was scared of what others would think of me, but I still posted it. Because why not? That thing that you’ve been thinking of posting or doing, but you’re afraid of others opinions, DO IT. Who cares what others think. If it is something that brings you joy, like singing, being kind to others, or dancing, just do it. Because you might inspire others to do something out of their comfort zone.
What is one thing that you’ve wanted to do, but are scared of doing? This is me telling you to do it, go out there and accomplish your dreams! Because what if it turns out better than you could’ve ever expected?
“Yesterday is History, tomorrows a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.”
Every day I say affirmations and quotes that resonate with me. While scrolling through TikTok, looking for something enlightening, I stumbled upon a quote that I’ve heard before and I’m sure you have too. “Yesterday is History, tomorrows a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present”.
A couple of things come to mind when I read this quote. 1. “Yesterday is History…”You can’t go back into the past, because you cannot change the past, your past. The best thing to do is to have compassion for yourself, have compassion for your past. If you are worrying about what you did in the past, you are living in the past. You would not be the person you are today, without any of your past, remember that. 2. “…Tomorrow’s a Mystery…” You don’t have a clue as to what is going to happen in the future. You don’t know what’s going to happen in your life, so worrying about your future will not help your peace of mind either. 3. “… But, Today is a Gift…” The fact that it’s called the ‘present’, really means it is a gift. This part of the quote didn’t really make sense to me until I saw, “..That’s why its called the ‘present’.” We are so blessed to be here, we should be celebrating our lives each and every day. Even through the tough times, you can still be grateful and be in the present moment. This present moment is such a gift, to be here experiencing all that there is. Enjoy the moment, be fully in the ‘present’ because honestly, it’s all you have! So why not surrender and embrace to where you are right now.
I know, most people would say “That’s easier said then done about really enjoying every moment of your life”. BUT you have to realize that to make any kind of changes in your life you need to be dedicated to changing, even motivated. If you believe something is hard, then you will see it as hard. You have to remember how powerful your mind is, it’ll believe whatever you tell it. You have to realize how powerful you really are, because you are powerful beyond measure. I feel we are meant to be living in the present moment, be fully present wherever you are. When I say be fully in the present, I mean being present with whatever you are doing, like reading a book, out walking in nature, watching a sunrise, hanging out with family or friends, playing with an animal or even washing dishes. Be fully in that present moment, not thinking about anything else but what you are doing. Fully enjoy the things that are meant to give you life, not the things that take away from you living your life.
I’ve realized that I don’t want to waste my life, the time that I was given to be here on Earth. I want to fully enjoy every day that I have here. I hope each day you do one thing that brings your soul joy. I believe our souls are all here to learn lessons to help us understand the meaning of life here. Anthony Williams, The Medical Medium (I’ve talked about him a lot on here, if you don’t know who he is look him up! He’s pretty amazing.) had someone ask him during one of his lives “What is the meaning of life?” and this for sure is a big question to ask anybody. And he took a moment to contemplate it, and he said “The meaning of life is what happens when you leave here.” I truthfully had to watch this video a couple of times to really drive deep to what he meant by this. Every act of kindness, every thing you do that makes a positive impact, is what really matters here in this life. Because every act of kindness that you do, really does make an impact, even if you can’t see it for yourself.
Haha well, with this post I am a little all over the place, but my hope is that you found something that resonates with you. Some days I’m a little scatter-brained and I may not have a blog post thats written beautifully and not every day is sunshine and rainbows for me. I’m not perfect and I don’t strive to be. We are all unique a should be showing our uniqueness with confidence. Keep learning and don’t give up on yourself for having a bad day, because “Yesterday is History, Tomorrows a mystery, but today, Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present“. Every day that you wake up, is truly a gift. Live in the present moment, be fully here, embrace another beautiful day. No matter how small, and no matter if no one sees you doing it, I hope you go out there today and make a positive impact on the world. Because one small act of kindness can change the world.
“It always starts with one change, and once you make that one change, it sets off a reaction of new things coming your way.”
I recently had a friend ask me, “How do I get through the days where I have negative thoughts or with low or bad days?” & my first thought was where do I even start with answering this question? (Hahaha…. but seriously) I have so much that I would love to write. So I ended up writing her an extremely long email, basically an essay that you would write for a class. Except this time for me, this was a topic that I loved writing about and I realized I absolutely loved answering this question. So, I decided to share a little with you what of helps me on days where I don’t feel my best self to maybe help you in your life!
When I sat down to write this email, the first thing that immensely helped me was completelychanging my lifestyle. Especially changing my diet, because once I changed my diet to plant based (following Medical Medium(MM) Protocols), everything else I mention followed. It always starts with one change, and that one change sets off a reaction of new things coming your way! The one thing I still cannot believe helped so much with my anxiety was changing my diet. I could not believe that I didn’t have any therapists or doctors tell me to start changing my diet or lifestyle habits. Simply cutting most everything out I ate, and started to follow MM protocols changed my whole life. It wasn’t easy at all and I was struggling immensely at the beginning, but it was 100% WORTH IT. All the struggles, all of the emotions, everything I went through, I wouldn’t trade anything in the world to change my experiences because I would not be the person I am today without anything that has happened in my life. (Which is the same for you) But simply eating fruits and vegetables completely helped. I could not be more grateful for the Medical Medium information, because everything he has said has helped me in more ways than I could’ve even imagined back then. His Morning Cleanse is what I also think has helped with my anxiety (and this is just one thing that I have healed mostly and I am so proud of) specifically his Heavy Metal Detox Smoothie.
Other things that have helped me: No drinking alcohol (that fueled my anxiety), I don’t consume any fat on most days, but if I consume fat, like an avocado, I wait until dinner time to eat it. I feel my best when I don’t eat overt fats at all. More things that helped are eating only fruits and vegetables (which actually have fat, protein, vitamins and minerals you need), drinking so much lemon water, since I was so dehydrated (I also think everyone needs to drink more water), getting enough sleep, using more natural products for everything (shampoo, conditioner, tooth paste, soap, dish soap, and so much more) I don’t wear make-up anymore, and so much more that I have changed. Changing everything I have consumed from what I eat, to what I watch, and what I read. These are just the main things that have changed my life for the better.
The second thing I think has helped me to stay positive is having gratitude throughout my day. Every day, even for the little things, having gratitude helps me to keep my positive attitude throughout my day. With being grateful for all that you have is immensely comforting and really changes the way you see life. There are days where I feel so intensely grateful and so much love for myself that I tear up and cry, tears of joy for being blessed with a few great people and all that I have right here with me. We are really fortunate in this life. I am truly grateful that you are taking the time to read this, because not many people know me as my true self. Gratitude is really the basis with which we should all be using in our lives, for everything. There are things, people, our Spirit guides, Angels, God and The Universe that really are always helping you, always. You may not see them but they are always there with you, helping you and guiding you through your life. & when you feel alone, you are truly never alone in your life, because they are there with you, and plants and animals are always around us. You yourself have a team that is there helping you through your life. And when you need it feel free to talk to them or ask them for a sign and they will send you one! But they are always sending you signs. & for me when I get signs from the Universe, God, my Spirit Guides, my Dad, Angels, or anything or anyone else that is helping me, I give so much thanks for showing me that I am exactly where I am meant to be in my life right at that very moment. Gratitude is powerful, because the universe is always working in your favor.
The third thing I would say is don’t overextend yourself. Don’t keep pushing if your body is telling you to stop, in anything in life. When your body/mind/spirit/soul feels tired, listen to it and give yourself a break. When you overextend yourself you become so exhausted that when you finally get home to relax, you may not have time to relax. Listen to your body in the moment and take a break if you’re tired, and if you’re hungry you should definitely eat something. Your body is a temple that you should take care of because it does so much more for us than anyone even realizes, there are tons of things our bodies do that we still don’t know about! This is one that I am still working on because it is hard in this society. Everyone is always saying that we always need to be doing things and we don’t. Doing things at your own speed is perfectly fine. We are all in life at different stages and you can’t judge yourself for not being where you thought you would be at this stage in your life. Just because all of your friends are getting married, having kids and starting a family (I know the pressure), doesn’t mean that you have to. You live your life the way you want to! You do not have to be following what everyone else is doing. Life is unfolding for you in different ways, ways you can’t even see. Because “The Universe is always working in your favor, always.” So give yourself a break sometimes, because you deserve it and you should be 100% proud of yourself for how far you’ve come in your life. For me I am 100% fucking proud of where I am right now in life. So on days where you feel like you are behind in life (you are not), don’t forget to take a break and realize “I am fucking proud of myself for where I am in my life right now“. Repeat that out loud, right now. And keep reminding yourself how great you are.
The fourth thing I do is to sit with my thoughts. Just sit there and observe them. This is a form of Meditation to sit there and observe where your mind goes. This form of Meditation is a powerful one because this one is not easy at all. We get so used to scrolling on social media, get so busy at work, get busy with always hanging out with friends and always going out to dinner or drinking, really just busy with our lives that many people don’t take the time to sit there and be with your thoughts or meditate. It can be scary but I have found that this has really freed me from a lot of over-thinking things that I used to. If I take at least 5 mins a day to sit with my thoughts and observe where they go, it sets me up for more peace for myself the rest of the day and my life. I try to meditate, even guided meditations when I feel my mind is really wandering, for at least 10 mins, because I know I can spend at least 10 mins of my day doing it. You do not need to spend 10 mins or even 5 min if you want to try meditating. Just doing what you can will help you in the long run. Remember your life is meant to be lived! Don’t spend too much time doing something that might be hard for you in the beginning or something you don’t enjoy. I have found that this has helped me immensely to become more peaceful with myself and more peaceful with situations that used to be stressful to me. But I have also realized when you start to change things in your life, you realize you don’t react to things that you used to react to. You don’t spend energy reacting to things that may have triggered you in your past. It’s an extremely freeing feeling when you can recognize that the things that caused you to be stressed in your past, no longer causes you stress now, and that you can actually figure things out so much more when you are at a state of peace with yourself.
The last one is affirmations! These are powerful (just like everything else I have mentioned) to use, if you believe. Believing and having faith are the keys to affirmations. If you have a hard time believing what you are saying, let me give you an example. When you were a kid you believed in Santa Clause, right? You believed in something, someone you never saw. (well, alright you saw mall Santa’s and movies with Santa Clause in them). You just believed that if you were good, you would get presents from Santa. Sure what made you believe even more is that you did wake up to presents on Christmas morning but you believed in him because the presents showed up. Affirmations are the same concept. You don’t need to see anything to believe that it is true. The mind is so much more powerful than you know. Whatever you tell yourself, negative or positive, you will believe it. Most people are in their minds throughout most of their day (Well, not everyone, because not everyone has a mind like I do). So, why not make your mind the most positive place to be. You are with yourself every single day, and no one else. You are the most amazing person you know, keep reminding yourself that each and every day. Say out loud “I am the most amazing person I know, and I deserve the most amazing life!” One of my favorite affirmations to say “The Universe is always working in my favor.” Because the Universe is truly always working in your favor. When you say it, believe it, really believe and feel that it is true for you.
The last point I want to say is if you want to change your life, the things that are worthwhile in life are not going to be easy and are not quick fixes that happen overnight. You can’t take a pill and magically see all of the changes you want to see, because life doesn’t work that way. It takes time and dedication to change yourself, things take time. But what I can say is if you are motivated to change, it will be 100% worth it, worth everything. & don’t forget to have compassion for yourself when you hit roadblocks. & remember thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more. They don’t have to define who you are. When the negative thoughts come in your mind, sit with them, observe them and let them flow through you.
These are my opinions and what has helped me find a more peaceful and high vibing life. You do not have to incorporate anything or do anything that I mention. Because everyone is different and you do what is right for you! Whatever you feel or whatever calls to you, feel free to do it or use it.
Finally, on days where you truly are negative and feel you can’t get out of your thoughts, feelings and emotions, just do all that you can do and know that that is enough for you in that moment. & remember that these feelings won’t last forever, and try to do something that brings you joy. There is so much in this life to be grateful for. Remember to be calm, take breaks and have compassion for yourself when you aren’t feeling your best self. You can do anything you put your mind to, and if changing your life completely was easy, everyone would’ve done it already. Things will take time, don’t rush anything, you will get there, have faith, trust the process and trust the Universe/God or whoever/whatever you believe in is working out for you. Life is working out for you, so keep going with whatever you want to accomplish. It always starts with one change, and once you make that one change, it sets off a reaction of new things coming your way. I didn’t do all of these overnight, but once I made one change everything else happened to follow.
My question to you is, “What do you do on days where you don’t feel like yourself?”
“My Hope for you reading this, is that you find a place that brings your soul so much joy.“
As I am sitting here writing this post I hear the birds chirping and the water rushing down the stream outside my window. I have no words for how great this area has been for me. This place has brought me an incredible amount of joy, peace, and really starting to find myself. I am so proud of who I have become. NH has been a surprising part of my journey and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have had so many beautiful experiences in so many beautiful places with so many beautiful people. I am so very grateful that the universe brought me here because this place has truly been amazing.
Ever since I have arrived it has felt like home to me but I do know that home is feeling wherever you are. Here, I have felt more like myself than I ever have before. I’ve also met so many great people, at my job, when I was hiking, traveling around the state and some of the roommates that I got to live with. There is still so much I have yet to explore here in NH, but I still have the whole country to explore and I can’t wait.
So far this is my favorite place I have lived, mostly because of the outdoors. (Yes, I’ve only lived in New York my whole life, but New Hampshire is truly beautiful). I love the area that I am living in, and the fact that I am so close to the White Mountains with tons of hiking, and that I am only 2 hours from the ocean. I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up here. For me, being able to be out in nature, in the woods and in the mountains. It feels like it brings me back to who I am and makes me feel so much joy.
It is so hard for me to explain how this place feels to me. Its an indescribable feeling that just resonates with my soul so much. Nature is truly one of the greatest healers. If you ever feel stuck, angry, or a little lost in life, just go out in nature and take a walk. I am so very grateful for my time here in NH and at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. I completely understand why people live in an area like this one.
The People. All of the people I met made this place feel even more amazing than I ever thought would be possible. One person in particular helped to make this place feel even more like home. We are both on the same spiritual journey trying to find ourselves and we just resonated with each other with wonderful conversations about life. There is so much I have learned from her as such a great friend, that I am so grateful that we have crossed paths. The universe put us together for a reason. She for sure will be a life long friend of mine. Wherever you are girl, I hope you are crushing it and making the most of life! I believe she is part of my soul tribe and we were probably great friends in past lives.
If you love being in the mountains (they are not big mountains like out in the Western part of the US) or just love being out in nature, New Hampshire should definitely be on your list to visit! My Hope for you reading this, is that you find a place that brings your soul so much joy. A place that you feel within your heart, is home. And even if you leave, just know you can always come back. Cheers my friends, to the next great Chapter of my life, it’s time for something new!
“You can’t have a happy ending to an unhappy Journey.“ – Abraham Hicks
I came upon this quote recently, and it took me a bit to realize what Abraham Hicks was referring too. How I interpret this quote is that “It’s about the Journey, not the destination.” You can hope and wish that the destination is going to be the best thing, what you’ve always been looking for, or the happiness that awaits you once you’ve reached your destination. But that’s not what life is about. It’s about enjoying where you are in life, right in this very moment. The struggles, the joy, the peace, the hard times, all of it. You can’t experience joy without pain. But what really matters most about your journey, is how you see it. If you can find joy in the little things or turn a negative situation into a positive one, you can change your mood and help you to appreciate life to its fullest.
I feel if you expect a happy ending with a journey thats been very unhappy, it’ll never happen. Putting expectation on things has never worked out for me. If I go into something with a certain expectation and it doesn’t turn out the way I thought it would, I generally start to feel unhappy because it wasn’t what I expected. & that’s not how life should be lived.
In life you just have to let things flow, and be in the present moment because you will never get this moment back. It is hard not to live in the past or the future because I’m always trying to plan something ahead of time, or I get stuck in old negative thought patterns. But it isn’t until you appreciate where you are in this very moment that you realize that this is the journey, your journey. This right here is where I should be, not thinking about what am I going to be doing in 5 months, or not why did I make that mistake 3 weeks ago. One is in the future and one is in the past, and neither of them is happening right at this very moment.
Yes, the future can be scary, but living in fear only stops you from living the life you were always meant too. Embracing the unknown is where you really grow and learn things that you thought were never possible. Once you find beauty in the unknown, life will really start to open up for you. I know it is easier said than done, but I have found embracing myself and letting the thoughts and emotions flow for where I am in the moment (whether it be sad, joyful, angry, numb, happy or any other emotion or thought that pop up in my head), really helps me. If I feel sad or depressed I try to embrace this feeling instead of pushing it down. Thoughts are just thoughts in your head, and they will pass through if you observe them and let them flow.
This year I am choosing to embrace every moment in my life and embrace myself for who I am. We are all human and we make mistakes and hurt others without meaning too. I know I have, but I am trying to bring peace to what has happened in my past and forgive myself for making mistakes and learn from them. I remind myself to keep spreading love and be kind to others. & for you reading this post, don’t ever dim your bright light for anyone, keep shining it because you never know who’s day you could change for the better.
Honestly, I am scared for my unknown because I have no idea what is going to happen this year. But the beauty is, what if it turns out better than I’ve ever imagined? What if this year is my year to make things happen for myself? That’s the energy I want to bring into this new year, embracing the unknown and being excited for what comes next. Because who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow! Happy New Year & Cheers to new beginnings!
“Whatever it is that you celebrate, I hope that it is wonderful and full of so much love.“
Just picture it, it’s Christmas time, you’re at home in your comfy PJs, you have hot cocoa (or tea for me =]) and you’re settled down reading a book by the fireplace all wrapped up in a cozy blanket. You happened to look over at the Christmas tree by the window and outside you see that it is snowing out. The big fluffy snowflakes that make it look like you’re in a snow globe, almost seems magical. This is my favorite time of year, the Spirit and the Joy that I feel is really what makes this time of year so magical for me.
It was also one of my Dads favorite time of year. For those reading this post who don’t know me, my dad passed away when I was 3. It’s been 27 years this year, which seems like a life time ago. I personally do not have any memories of my Dad, but I have photos and home videos and stories that family members tell me of him. One of which is that this time of year was his favorite. Which I’ve always wondered why I love the Christmas season so much.
What else do you do in a Snow Storm?
I’ll share a quick story of him that his college roommate, Bob, told my family when our families got together (His son, my brother and I happened to be going to College in the same town, what a small world for sure! The universe must’ve wanted us to get together.) My Dad went to college at Johnson and Wales down in Rhode Island for Hospitality, where he met his roommate, Bob. Every year they would attend a holiday party where they would dress up. And one year my Dad dressed up in a red and white striped rugby shirt and called himself “The Candy Cane of Happiness.” Where I think if I remembered correctly he would introduce himself as the “Candy Cane of Happiness, lick me.” haha I’ve also heard that my dad was a jokester/prankster and there are tons of good stories like this one of him. The next year our families got together, Tracy (Bob’s wife) got my family and their family matching red and white striped rugby shirts to honor him. It was one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.
My dad was always liked by everyone and to quote my Uncle Paul “If you didn’t like Mike, it was a ‘you problem’.” That was the kind of guy he was, the nicest guy you’ve ever met. I’ve heard stories over the years of how great of a person he was, and how sad it is for my brother and I to not have known such a great man. Sometimes I see it as sad, especially when I’m feeling lonely. But I’d like to think of how awesome it is that my dad was connected to so many people. People that have so many stories of him and people that I haven’t even met that have memories of him. He made such an impact on so many people, the way he made people feel. People will never forget the way you make them feel. That is what I hear time and time again about him, how he made them feel. And that’s how I would want to be remembered, I want to make people feel good and think of me as a happy memory like they do of my Dad.
I guess this has always been my Favorite Time of Year because I think it makes me feel closer to him, like he’s here with me. Especially if I’m out dancing in a snow storm. I know that he his here with me, my mom and my brother every single day, even if we can’t see him. If it wasn’t for him (or my mom), I wouldn’t be here today. I am signing off for the year and heading to Mass since it’s Christmas Eve. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Whatever it is that you celebrate, I hope that it is wonderful and full of so much love. Hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight. Until Next Year my Loves.
Much Love, CLD
I miss you Dad. Keep sending me signs wherever you are.
Recently I re-watched all of the Harry Potter Movies (& now thinking of re-reading them too). And it got me thinking, why do others and I resonate with these books so much? It’s kind of the typical books where you know, the hero wins and the villain loses. (Sorry if I just ruined the end for you, but this has been out for a while now). But what is so powerful about these movies and books? Could be the amazing film scores, because honestly the music to these movies is truly amazing. Or it could be how awesome it would be to live in a world where magic exists? As I was watching it, I realized one of my favorite characters happens to be Sirius Black, who is Harry’s Godfather. I admire him for what he says to Harry in the third and fifth movies.
“The ones that Love us never really leave us.” He says this as Harry and Hermonie saved him from going back to Azkaban. (During one of my favorite scenes as Harry and Hermonie go back in time to save a few lives.) I have truly come to believe this even more over the past year. I think I’ve always known it in my heart that the ones that Love us, or our loved ones that have passed, are always with us, helping us, and guiding us through this life that we’re living. And through out the books, the Loved ones that have passed were always there with Harry, helping him, in any way they could. I want you to know that you have a team helping you each and every day and are with you in every moment. Even if you feel like you’re alone in this world, you are never alone, nature, our spirit guides, god, the universe are all around us every moment of every day.
“All people have both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on, that’s who we really are.” Sirius says this to Harry as they are in the Black Household looking at the Black Family Tree. This one really struck a cord with me and made me tear up a bit when I heard him say this. It is true that we all have light and dark within us. We all have good thoughts and we all have bad thoughts. But its the thoughts that we choose to act on that really define us. Light will always prevail in the dark. Even if you’re going through a tough time, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that you will get through it. Without the dark we wouldn’t be able to experience the light.
I believe the reason I resonate with these books so much is because of all of the Love that exists. The Love that exists all around Harry really helped him through tough times. I know these books are fiction but there is a lot that people can resonate with in these books. We ourselves have so much Love within us and all around us, we just have to know how to activate it. Love is what brings us together. I almost feel as if what is going on in the world right now relates so much to the last book/movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It’s almost as if the world is split in two. Even with all the craziness that is happening, there is still Love in the world. There is still light in this world. Even if you feel alone just know that you are not, and trust that everything is working out in your favor, even if you can’t see it.
Thank you J.K. Rowling for these books.
“Love is the dominant trend of this Universe.” – Abraham Hicks
Doing the work of going inward and really understanding your feelings and your thoughts is hard work.
Trichotillomania: an abnormal desire to pull out one’s hair. The word trichotillomania derives from the Greek trich- (“hair”) and tillein (“to pull or pluck”), along with the suffix -mania (from mainesthai, meaning “to be mad”). (Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary)
What I am about to talk about right is very hard for me to write about, let alone speak out loud about. It’s something that has haunted me for years and until now, haven’t told very many people because of how ashamed I was for it. For years, ever since I can remember I have been picking and pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows out. I feel I remember it starting back in 7th grade. I was in middle school, I had braces, not feeling the best, shy, awkward, quiet, puberty was starting for me and I genuinely never felt pretty or that I was good enough when I was younger. There is a lot that happens around this age for most kids, and I can understand why I picked up this habit, which some consider an OCD habit.
Back when my mom started noticing that I didn’t have any eyelashes or eye brows she was immediately concerned. I’ll always remember her speaking to me during dinner one night. We had happened to be in a little Diner eating dinner as a family when my mom noticed I didn’t have any eyelashes or eyebrows. She started to talk to me about it, asking me quietly about why I didn’t have any eyelashes or eyebrows. I was already very insecure of myself at this point in my life. ( Also what didn’t help was that this one ‘popular’ girl in my band class was at the table next to us and I didn’t want her to hear anything for fear of being judged and this going all around school.) (I feel so much for my younger self as I am writing this, so much healing I still need to do to be okay with this part of myself). After that night, my mom never stopped asking me questions about it. “Did you know that you didn’t have any eyelashes or eyebrows? When did this start? Why are you doing this to yourself?” I felt I was getting even more insecure than I already was with her asking me questions. At this point I didn’t see it as her being a concerned parent, I felt I was being judged, and humiliated and I just wanted her to stop. My mom had no idea how to handle this situation. She had never known of anyone doing this to themselves.
But then one day as my mom and I were ‘Driving to go to McDonalds’ (yes I use to eat McDonalds, but I stopped going years ago and will NEVER EVER go back), or so I thought, she pulls into my Pediatricians office. I asked her why we were here. We were there because my mom didn’t know what to do, so she was looking for help for me and brought me to the doctors office to have me talk about why I was pulling them out. I have no idea how she got me to go in or what she exactly said to me to go in (must’ve blacked it out) but what I do remember is the doctor asking me questions about why I was doing it. I remember saying it was because of stress. (Which at the time was mostly true, but what I didn’t realize, and won’t realize until much later in my life was exactly why I was doing it.) I was very stressed as a teenager, acne, starting my period and having awful symptoms during it, never really had a boyfriend or many guys interested in me growing up, so much insecurity about myself and my body. This was the day that I stopped talking to my mom for a while, I didn’t trust her and it took me a long time to forgive her. All that I saw from this situation was my mom lying to me and taking me to a place that I didn’t want to go to. I felt no one understood me and I wanted to hide more than ever.
For a long time I wasn’t consciously aware of myself picking at them. Until I would look in the mirror and realize empty patches now exist. I’ll always remember this specific time that I was picking my eyelashes, and it was one of the times I was consciously aware of doing it. I was sitting on my couch and I just started picking at my lashes. I had this feeling that I had to do it. I kept picking until I picked the ‘right’ lash out and I felt I couldn’t stop. I didn’t know why, I just had to keep doing it until I got the right one out. (I feel almost crazy writing about this experience.) I saved all of of these lashes and ended up counting them out once I felt I got the ‘right’ one. After I counted them all I immediately rushed to the bathroom to check out my face in the mirror and I immediately cried. I felt ashamed for what I had done to myself. Eyelashes exist on your eyelids for a purpose, to keep things out of your eye. And now I had gone and pulled most of them out for reasons I couldn’t quite understand. What I did understand was that it was some sort of release for me that was only temporary, until I realized the damage I had done.
Today my mom and I have a really good relationship, better than I when I was younger. She’s always there for me when I need her and I am grateful to have her as my mom, someone who I can talk about anything with. We actually just went on a trip together to visit her sisters in Maine. Today, I still have a little bit of pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows, but they have been growing back so much nicer than they ever have since switching to MM. I still have my moments where I can’t control myself but I can start to recognize it and have compassion for myself in the moment and after. I have to remember that I have been doing this for over 20 years and it eventually became a habit for me. It is going to take a long time for me to stop pulling them because of how long I have been doing it. But what I can tell you is that I am healing every day and still learning about myself. I am so much better than I ever have been in my life, so much more at peace with who I am. Eventually I will have my eyelashes and eyebrows back more full than when I was a kid. I know in my heart that, that day is coming. But for now I will take the time to make sure I have compassion and love for myself , and try to understand what is really going on inside my head or ask myself what am I feeling in this current moment. Also needing to honor my past because there has been hurt for a long time. Doing the work of going inward and really understanding your feelings and your thoughts is hard work. To sit there and talk out loud or talk in your head or even journaling about it is not easy. It really takes a lot of dedication to want to change and work on yourself, especially when there are so many distractions out there. But Hey, we all start somewhere and I am choosing to start now by sharing my story.